


blank space

by shogo



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Pen Pals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 14:58:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12728820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shogo/pseuds/shogo
Summary: (23:23) Don’t quote at me(23:24) Just try and stop me





	blank space

**10/17/2016**

_(08:02) If this is going to be another three hour lecture filled with nothing but this man’s horrible kettle logic I’m afraid that I can’t be held accountable for my actions._

Kogami audibly snorts, a smirk quirking his lips. Really it’s quite ridiculous at this point just how easily his mood changes when he receives even the smallest message from the man. But given that he’s already on track to having a real shitty ass day when it’s only eight in the morning, it can’t exactly be a crime for wanting to find _some_ sort of sanctity.

He doesn’t respond right away, opting instead to lock the phone and slide it into his pocket. He _really_ doesn’t want to deal with the professor breathing down his neck about having his phone out, and really _really_ doesn’t want to be ‘that’ kid that gets his phone taken away in the middle of a college lecture.

Sometimes he wants to go back and beat the hell out of his younger self for choosing to go to a community college for his first two years instead of straight off going to some giant four year campus, but lo and behold look where he is now. No use complaining about it now, he supposes. It’s just bitching over the metaphorical spilled milk.

His pen pal turned email buddy turned texting friend would understand the delayed reply. That’s what Kogami liked so much about the guy; the easy going, non committal personality behind the snarky, just slightly pretentious words. He was easy to talk to and even easier to understand. 

Of course, the ‘talk’ part was being greatly exaggerated.

There’s a slight _whoosh_ of air next to him as Ginoza plops into the empty chair at his side. A quick glance at his old friend reveals Ginoza’s face in a pinched expression as he frantically pulls out his lecture notes from last week's class. He seems distinctly ruffled, clothes rumpled and hair in disarray. A very stark contrast from his friends usual appearance.

“You were cutting it a little close today, weren’t you?” Kogami teases lightly, resting his chin on his hand. The smirk from the earlier message is still lingering on his face, curling even more as Ginoza gives him a frustrated scowl.

“It’s a one time thing” He grumbles in response. The pencil he’s pulled out is out of lead and for a truly fearful second Ginoza looks like he just may burst into tears. “My alarm didn’t go off.”

Kogami raises an eyebrow, disbelief scrawled over his features.

Ginoza flushes as he catches Kogami’s expression but doesn’t comment further, busying himself with tidying his desk space instead. His supplies is scattered everywhere and as he just leans forward to grab at the pencil rolling off the other side, Kogami catches a glimpse of a small dark mark marring the side of his friends neck. Before he can properly comment with much needed ‘Nice’ the professor waltzes into the room, sparing the other man from any further interrogation to Kogami’s immense dismay.

The class quickly goes downhill, just like he’d anticipated. A constant drone from the front of the room and a near constant scratching of pencil on paper from next to him as Ginoza diligently takes notes. As Kogami’s arm begins to fall asleep from where his chin is propped, he exhales heavily, sighing. Fuck this, he decides.

Ignoring Ginoza’s stern look he stealthily fishes out his phone from his pocket and carefully writes out a response. (Keeping one eye at all times on the man at the head of the room, definitely not wanting to get reprimanded for being on his phone of all things.)

(08:36) How bad is it exactly on a scale of the history of Christmas to Baroque architecture.

_(08:38) I’m not really sure anymore._

_(08:38) Almonds!_

_(08:38) I mean, this is supposed to be a_ Western Philosophy class _for christ’s sake, just_ why _exactly are we talking about the effects of the California drought on the almond crops?_

(08:39) Hey, almonds are a superfood.

(08:39) That sounds like some important stuff. You should be paying attention.

(08:39) Also texting in class is bad.

_(08:39) You’re funny, you know that?_

_(08:40) So funny._

_(08:40) A real funny guy._

(08:40) For you I try.

_(08:41) Wow, lucky me._

Ginoza suddenly coughs next to him. ‘Coughs’ is a safe term. More like, ‘hacks up a probably important internal organ in a dire last ditch attempt to capture best friend and classmates attention as the sociology professor suddenly takes suspicious notice of a singular student who does not, in fact, seem to be paying any attention at all to the currently ongoing lecture’.

Kogami stealthily puts his phone back into his pocket.

 

*

 

“You were almost kicked out of class today!” Ginoza complained as they walked side by side to the library/cafe/student hangout just down the street from the social sciences building.

It was late enough in the year that the wind stung at your face as you stepped outside but not cold enough quite yet to be overly unpleasant as you walked from place to place. Kogami had a thick scarf wrapped around his neck and face to try and deter the wind while Ginoza seemed to have gone all out; puffy winter coat swallowing his figure and a woolen had pulled down snugly over his head. It all created a rather endearing picture and Kogami bit back a fond smile for his old friend’s antics. Sometimes he really was just too much.

“Sorry, sorry.” He repeated easily, stuffing his hands deep into the pockets of his long black coat. Kogami couldn’t help but be amused at Ginoza’s reaction to the whole thing. Honestly, the other man seemed to be more concerned about the situation than he himself was.

“It’s just ridiculous at this point.” Ginoza continues, “I don’t know why you two don’t just try and _meet_ somewhere like normal people-”

“No, what’s ridiculous,” Kogami cuts in smoothly, “is that somebody—” he nudges Ginoza’s side, “got some last night and is now holding out on the story.”

The reaction is instantaneous. Ginoza comes to an abrupt stop and gapes at him, wide eyed and mouth open. “I-I.. what? N-no I—”

Kogami raises his eyebrows, resisting the very strong urge to take a page out of Kagari’s book and waggle them ridiculously.

“Wh-where would you even.. I m-mean, that just absur—”

“Ginoza. Come on. I’m aiming to be a profiler, give me just a little credit please.”

Ginoza flushes so dark it’s amazing he doesn’t combust from embarrassment. He looks down to the ground, toeing at the pavement. Kogami waits for his friend to gather his wits, patient as always as another smirk creeps onto his face. It was about time his friend got out and met somebody, Lord knows he needed it.

As they stand there, Kogami feels his phone buzz in pocket. He’s instantly on alert, itching to pull it out and check the response from his long-distance friend. It’s a bit of an addiction at this point, Kogami knows that, but he can’t help the faint excitement he gets each time his phone goes off.

Ginoza clears his throat and looks away before slowly resuming their journey towards the coffee shop. “It’s not what you think.” He murmurs quietly, cheeks still bright red.

“You mean not yet.” Kogami summarizes.

Ginoza ducks his head again, mumbling fading off into nothing. Kogami chuckles and pulls out his phone as they walk, realizing that he’s not going to be getting any more out of the other man.

_(10:53) Sor~ry, but I can’t help it if I’m more interesting than some old coot crowing about Weber and Foucault._

(10:54) It was Garfinkel this time, and I think you’re giving yourself a little too much credit.

_(10:54) Doubtful._

_(10:54) And ugh, no wonder you turned to the wonderful distraction that is the mobile phone._

_(10:55) I wouldn’t read Garfinkel if you strapped me down and tapped my eyes open._

(10:55) That sounds oddly specific and frankly, pretty kinky.

_(10:55) How dare you._

_Turning a perfectly innocent conversation into a kink shame of sexual indulgences._

“You have that smile on your face again.” Ginoza suddenly said, side eyeing him. Kogami looked up from his phone and gave him a questioning look. “You look ridiculous.” The bespectacled raven added in for good measure.

Kogami’s expression changed to incredulous. “‘That’ smile?”

Ginoza nodded, slowing to pull the door open to the cafe. They stepped inside gratefully, glad to be out of the stinging autumn air. The smell of coffee wafted over them, strong and comforting. Light chatter filled the air and the tall girl behind the counter gave them both a cordial nod.

“Yeah. The one you get when you talk about him or text him or anything about him really.” He pauses giving Kogami a look that couldn’t possibly be called smug (it’s Ginoza, when did he become like this?!) before stepping up to the counter. “For a future profiler you’re kind of dense.”

Kogami huffs and bites his tongue.

(11:04) Hey man.

(11:04) I’m not the one who just tossed it out there that I’m a closet masochist.

(11:04) This is the sort of stuff that Garfinkel teaches us to look for in people you know.

(11:05) Maybe if you paid attention in your sociology classes you would know this.

_(11:05) You’re terrible._

_(11:05) Awful._

_(11:05) I hope you’re forever unemployed._

_(11:06) I’ll laugh at you from my high rise penthouse apartment as you push your shopping cart full of assorted canned beans around the streets of wherever it is you live._

(11:06) I love you too.

 

*  


**08/22/2001**

15 years ago, in Mrs. Fuller’s first grade class, Kogami was assigned a pen pal.

Not being a very social child as it was, with only a handful of other kids to call friends, (and not for lack of trying, just a lack of _not wanting to_ ), Kogami wasn’t exactly thrilled with this development.

The assignment required at least some semblance of effort from the kids in Mrs. Fuller’s class, so if the child on the other end responded than Kogami would be required to write back again and so on and so forth until the other didn’t respond.

Kogami silently prayed that he would be lucky enough to have a pen pal that wouldn’t even write back at all the first time.

He didn’t want to sound sullen, it’s not that he didn’t want to meet somebody new. He wasn’t antisocial or so incredibly introverted that he was incapable of having a conversation with people. He just didn’t make friends easily. They either talked too much or talked too little or didn’t understand his quirky humor or gave him weird looks when all he wanted to do was sit down and read a book that was far too advanced for what his reading level should be.

He just didn’t make friends easily.

Kogami didn’t want to meet somebody new, especially not through a letter where he couldn’t casually laugh off whatever weird thing he’d offhandedly mentioned. He didn’t like making tense situations between himself and other people.

But he’d sucked it up because an assignment was an assignment after all, and he was a competitive little shit who definitely wouldn’t be letting Ginoza pass him up in elementary school grade rankings. He wrote the hell out of that first letter, sketching draft after draft and looking up all the best jokes and funny stories to impress his assigned pen pal.

So he was a little surprised and more than a little apprehensive when he actually received a letter back.

To his absolute delight, his pen pal seemed to be every bit as quirky as Kogami was. The response tore up his jokes, poking fun at his attempts at humor. There were actual intelligent responses to the references he’d made to books he liked, and countering stories to the ones he’d mentioned. It was better than he could’ve ever hoped for from a potential pen pal, and he was understandably thrilled at the discovery of a prospective person out there who could appreciate the surprisingly witty anecdotes of a seven year old.

That night, Kogami sat down at the kitchen table and wrote Shogo M. back.

 

*  


**10/24/2016**

_(23:56)_ _I want to drop out of college._

(23:57) I wouldn’t recommend that.

_(23:57) Well I’m going to._

_(23:57) Just watch me._

_(23:57) I’m so sick of this system._

(23:58) Well, I can’t ‘watch’ you, so I’ll just take your word for it.

(23:58) And also that third part is probably the fourth most pretentious thing that you’ve ever said to me.

_(23:58) Rude._

_(23:59) I’m not pretentious I’m well read._

_(23:59) It’s not pretentious if you actually know what you’re talking about._

(00:01) That was the second most pretentious thing you’ve ever said to me.

_(00:02) Okay no more using of the word ‘pretentious’ it’s beginning to make me nauseous._

_(00:05) And also now I’m curious._

_(00:05) What’s the first thing._

(00:07) “Sometimes I think that I’m a dying breed”.

(00:07) Also ties with “I was born in the wrong generation.” and “I’m actually a strict vegan.”

_(00:08) I’m not sure that I want to to talk to you anymore._

(00:09) Aw, babe don’t be like that. Did I hurt your fweelings?

 _(00:10) *feelings, and no_ babe _, unlike certain prospective mall cops I have a thick skin._

(00:12) pls ur more easily offended than the daily mail readers and know way imma be a rl gd cop u just wait n c

_(00:15) … And my eyes are actually bleeding. Please never ever ever do that to me again._

(00:15) Cross my heart.

(00:16) That was harder for me than you know.

 _(00:16) Obviously not enough for you to_ not _but I appreciate your cooperation._

(00:18) Anytime

_(00:24) Ahh and as riveting as this conversation is, I’m going to turn in. Meaning that I’m probably just going to read until a time that makes me regret everything tomorrow morning._

(00:25) Ha, alright then. I would probably do the same if I didn’t have like four term papers to get started on. Goodnight then Shogo.

_(00:29) Goodnight Shinya._

 

*

 

**10/28/2016**

Yayoi is going to get fired from her job.

She’s taken a chair at the table where Kogami and Ginoza are seated and is staring rather intensely over at the pretty blonde junior Kogami’s seen around campus. Yayoi has a pitcher in her hand and a forlorn look on her face and the manager is starting to get shifty eyed as he watches her get nothing done but an immense amount of staring.

“You’re going to get fired from your job.” Kogami says.

Yayoi squints at him before getting up and reaching over to pour him literally the slowest cup of coffee he’s ever received in his entire life.

“I think the cup would probably fill up faster if you aimed for more than a trickle.” Ginoza notes helpfully, raising an eyebrow at her.

Kogami fights the urge to sigh and instead nods over in the direction of the blonde. “So then she’s the crush, right?”

The reddening tips of Yayoi’s ears is answer enough. “Then what are you planning on doing about it?”

Yayoi ducks her her. “...Nothing.” She murmurs.

“Why not? She’s cute.” Kogami comments, trying to inconspicuously get a better look at the girl who is seated as far as she possibly could be from him. Pretty face, curvy, super blonde. “Not my type though.”

Yayoi gives him a deadpan look. “Dick isn’t exactly a type.”

Ginoza snorts on his coffee, immediately beginning to cough.

Kogami squints at her and takes an aggressive bite of banana nut muffin.

Yayoi looks vaguely pleased with herself and then turns to fill Ginoza’s cup with a speed that’s possibly even slower than before. “I don’t think she’d be into me.” She suddenly says, voice impossibly soft.

Ginoza frowns. “What’s not to like about you? Just go for it.”

“I don’t think that’s what she means.” Kogami says, equally hushed. Like blondie will somehow pick up on what they’re saying from where she’s seated thirty feet away.

“Ahh.” Ginoza says in sudden understanding. “I’m.. sorry.” He says awkwardly, looking a little lost.

Kogami snorts into his mug, a smirk pulling at his lips. “Ah, straight people have it so easy.” Yayoi nods in staunch agreement, slowly tipping the pitcher up before coffee flows onto the table from Ginoza’s now super-full cup.

If possible, Ginoza looks even more lost and also slightly guilty as he gives a helpless shrug.

Yayoi smiles and nods at them both before hurrying off to another table after giving a quick look over in the direction of the manager, (who is now _definitely_ staring her down).

Ginoza clears his throat. “Do you need the notes for today?”

“No, I don’t think so. I think that I got the gist of it.”

“That’s impressive. You were texting literally the entire time.”

“Is that bitterness I hear? Is Ginoza being bitter with me?”

Ginoza flushes slightly before resolving himself and narrowing his eyes. “I’m _stressing_. I’m stressed for you. Saiga’s watching you, I know it. Ever since a few weeks ago when you thought it was a good idea to start texting your boyfriend during classes.”

Kogami frowns right back. “So far he hasn’t said anything, so I’m not too worried just yet. And just _friend_ Ginoza. Come on.”

“I’m just saying. Saiga’s a little scary. I wouldn’t want to make him mad.”

“I’m not really too worried. Saiga’s cool. But stop stressing, seriously. You don’t need that with term grades coming up especially. I know how you get.”

“Then stop stressing me out! I’m worried for you! What if a teacher thinks you’re cheating or something and you get ejected?!”

Kogami offers a small smile and reaches across the table to pat at Ginoza’s arm.

“Fine. I’ll quit texting in class.” He wrinkles his nose. “God I sound so elementary when I say it like that.”

Ginoza snorts. “You are elementary. Right down to the way you’re playing a game of push and pull with the guy you have it bad for.”

 

*

 

**02/19/2007**

_From: Shogo_

_To: Shinya_

_Subject: !!Important!!_

_Let’s try texting, okay? My number is xxx-xxx-xxx._

Kogami swallowed as he stared at the computer screen. The email was the shortest one to date and incredibly to the point.

_Let’s try texting, okay?_

His hands were fidgeting on the keyboard. What should he do? Does he respond through email or… He glances at the phone laying on the computer desk. A folded silver mobile with a Doreamon charm hanging from the strap. He swallowed again and slowly reached out to pick up the phone. He held it almost reverently in his hand as he considered his options.

It felt like he was taking a massive step towards something.

He was twelve now. Officially on the brink of becoming a full fledged teenager. Who still wrote his fourth grade pen pal.

He was pretty sure that he was the only one still in contact with his assigned friend.

He wasn’t really sure if that made him proud at the accomplishment or feel like a bit of a nerd.

Kogami stared at the phone. Letters took days to get to each other. There’d sometimes been a week or two between each letter arrival from the other boy. It had felt somewhat disjointed, a little disconnected. It was nice though, there was no added pressure of replying instantaneously mulling over what you’d sent. Once you’d sent it, that was it.

Then they’d switched to email.

Shogo moved around quite a bit it seemed, making it difficult for the two of them to continually manually address letters to each other. It had been Kogami who’d suggested it, more than a little tired of getting a returned letter restamped from the post office with a new address staring back at him. Email had been a good idea. They now wrote each other almost daily, rarely was a reply spaced out for more than that. It seemed more personal in a way, but through the cold technology of the computer screen it was easy to forget that there was another person on the other end of the line.

Somehow text seemed…

Intimate?

He felt like he was taking this much too seriously. Overthinking something that wasn’t even that big of a deal to begin with. He actually felt a little guilty, the emotion weighing heavily in his chest. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Shogo, quite the opposite.

He was just scared of how Shogo would react to him.

Texts were easy to mess up. There was less time to think each message through and less time to carefully draft out and plan your words. It was like a conversation, and that wasn’t something that Kogami really excelled at. He was friendly and kind, but he wasn’t very charismatic. He couldn’t capture somebody's attention with a sweeping smile and enthralling words.

Kogami didn’t want that to translate to his friend. And that’s what Shogo had become to him over their four years of correspondence. He’d grown rather close to the other boy despite everything that should say otherwise. But he knew the other boys favorite color and books and why he never really slept at night. He knew that Shogo didn’t like eating meat because ‘it felt wrong’ and that the other boy secretly had a collection of manga that he’d never tell anybody he knew in person about.

He knew that if opened up an email with the words, _Sorry, I don’t have a phone._ , that Shogo would be amicable in response. The other boy was pretty mild mannered for the most part. But Kogami also knew that if he responded through email with those words, that he was destroying a chance at possibly becoming even closer with Shogo.

They’d be limited to once-a-day emails for who knows how long, and Kogami would feel guilty every time he opened an email. He’d remember that he lied to someone he honestly felt like he could understand. He wanted to know Shogo better.

(20:12) Hi. It’s me.

 

*

 

**10/28/2016**

(10:48) Hey what do you know about Rousseau 

 _(10:53) That civilization sucks but we're stuck with it, so we should consent to a government that represents the unification of like-minded people so that we can rule ourselves and retain our freedom as much as possible. Why._  

(10:53) That’s… actually pretty helpful actually thanks

_(10:54) Well of course it is. I’m a genius. Why ask though?_

_(11:01) Why_

_(11:18) Why Shinya_

_(11:25) SHINYA_

(11:30) Relax omg

_(11:31) You just ‘omg’-d me._

_(11:31)_ yeah

_(11:32) That’s literally what you have to say to me? I’m shook._

_(11:32) I don’t know how to respond._

_(11:32) What’s happening?_

_(11:32) What’s going on?_

_(11:32) Why are you asking me about philosophy?_

_(11:32) How do you even know who Rousseou is when you have a terrible taste in literature?_

_(11:33) Why are you using despicable teenage slang?_

_(11:33) Where have I gone?_

_(11:33) Who are you and where is Shinya?_

(11:34) omg

(11:38) I’m sorry haha

(11:45) Really and truly

(11:57) Also you text really fast

(12:15) Okay full disclosure I’m writing midterm papers tonight, remember? Saiga mentioned Rousseou today in class so it’s a sneaky way to hopefully get more points

(12:30) C’monnn I know you’re not asleep

(12:59) Shogooooooo

(00:09) omg

_(00:12) I hate you. You’re literally the worst._

 

*

 

**11/02/2016**

Kagari was ducked down low behind the waste bin.

He wasn’t really being stealthy, he actually just looked kind of pathetic sitting there on the ground with a strange, pinched expression screwed on his face.

“You look kind of pathetic.” Kogami told him.

“SHH!” Kagari hissed, full volume as he whipped his head around to crane up at Kogami. The redhead grabbed at Kogami’s wrist and pulled him down to the ground with him.

“What’s happening.”

Kagari gave him an incredulous look and slowly raised up to peek just over the trash can. He didn’t respond, his face just got increasingly twisted up as he seemed to see something he really didn’t like. He had something clenched in his hands, but Kogami couldn’t really tell what it was.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing to the paper clenched in Kagari’s hands.

Kagari squawked and pulled the (envelope?) close to his chest and squinted at Kogami. “None of your business, that’s what.” He said, rather snarkily in Kogami’s opinion.

Kogami stared at him.

Kagari fidgeted, throwing another quick look around the side of the trash before ducking back with a wild look in his eyes.

“Is it a girl.”

Kagari’s eyes widened impossibly so, his entire face flushing a dark pink as he glanced down towards the envelope in his hands. He seemed to be getting increasingly upset the longer they sat there hunched behind a waste bin that definitely wasn’t big enough to conceal both Kagari and also a nearly-six-feet-tall wall of muscle like Kogami. They most certainly looked ridiculous, but the few people that actually looked at them seemed content to ignore the situation once Kogami fixed them with a dead-eyed look.

So Kogami waited, Kagari’s grip on his wrist slowly going slack. “So it is a girl.” Kogami said, raising an eyebrow.

Kagari nodded, keeping his silence. That somehow was even stranger than the situation at hand, the freshman wasn’t exactly known for being a quiet guy. “You’re just as bad as Yayoi.” He muttered.

“Nuh uh!” Kagari suddenly hissed. “This is completely different!”

“How, exactly? It looks to me like you’re both being morons.”

Kagari squinted at him. “Like you’re one to talk.” He groused. Before Kogami could respond to that he started up again. “Akane is totally out of my league.”

Akane. Kogami ran the name through his head, trying to match the name to a face. It seemed vaguely familiar…

“Is she in the criminal justice course?” He asks.

Kagari nods.

“Freshman?”

Kagari nods again.

“Brown hair, short?”

Another nod.

“Literally can not shoot a gun to save her life?”

Kagari frowns at him, palming at the letter again. “That’s not her fault.” He said defensively, “Not everybody grew up playing cops and robbers in the hood.”

Kogami exhaled loudly. “Just give her the letter.”

Kagari gave him a wide eyed look. “No way! What if she says no man? I don’t even think she knows my name!”

“Um.. excuse me?”

Both men’s heads snap up towards the voice, twin pairs of wide brown and grey eyes reflecting their surprise.

“Yeah?” Kogami says.

Akane looks a little shook at his tone, (which wasn’t anything different from his usual tone, which is low and a little gruff sounding but definitely intimidating if you’ve never met the guy before), and immediately looks a little lost. Which is funny to Kogami considering that him and Kagari are the ones hunched over behind a trashcan.

“Well… it’s just… you two have been sitting there for a couple of minutes now? I was wondering if everything was… I don’t know, okay?”

Shit, she’s really nice. Kogami thinks, mind immediately going into overdrive. He’d feel like a total tool if he just straight up lies to her about the situation but he’s also pretty sure that Kagari would actually castrate him if he just blurts out ‘My friend wants to bone you’.

“I’m cool.” He opts for lamely.

If possible she just looks even more lost.

Also Kagari was absolutely zero help in this situation.

The boy is literally falling to pieces right next to him. He’s red and kind of sweaty looking and is twisting the envelope in his hands frantically. He’s also staring at Akane like she’s some kind of mystical goddess and Kogami’s more than a little lost on what to do right now.

“Hi.” Kagari says dumbly. He’s got it _bad_ , Kogami notes an amused smile slowly stretching his face. He just sounds so completely in _awe_ of this girl it’s ridiculous.

“Hi.. Kagari.” Akane says haltingly, looking more and more like she’s regretting every decision in her life that possibly could’ve led her over to this particular waste bin at this exact moment.

There’s an intense stare off between her and Kagari for an honest-to-god _painful_ few seconds, before Kagari stand up abruptly and holds out the envelope in his hands like it’s a sacrificial rite.

“This is for you!” He says, face worried and strangely stunned as he seems to be wondering just how the hell he grew the balls to actually go through with this.

Akane takes the letter carefully, seeming to know what it is immediately and flushes roughly the same color that Kagari is at the moment.

“I don’t have anything.” Kogami adds unhelpfully.

They both give him an unimpressed look, and Kogami takes that as a _very_ clear sign to make his exit. He shoots to his feet and is out the door in a heartbeat.

His friends are completely ridiculous.

 

*

 

**11/20/2016**

(20:07) All of my friends are getting some but me.

_(20:17) I’m… sorry?_

(20:19) Literally all of them are hooking up, it’s honestly a little ridiculous. They’re literally the most emotionally constipated people I’ve ever met in my life. I’m afraid I’m losing my touch

_(20:21) …What exactly do you want from me right now_

(20:22) I want you to support me. To be my pillar of strength.

_(20:24) That is literally one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read in my life._

(20:25) Liar. You can see your own texts.

_(20:27) Ouch. To the bone that one._

(20:27) Sorry

(20:29) I’m just all messed up. I’m having a crisis.

_(20:30) Well go crisis somewhere else_

(20:30) I’m pretty sure crisis isn’t a verb

 _(20:32) And_ I’m _pretty sure that you’re going to be fine._

_(20:33) If you’re that bent out of shape about being single maybe try and get out more, meet new people._

_(20:33) Instead of bothering me 24/7_

(20:31) And I’m not really worried about it.

(20:31) It’s just weird.

(20:32) All of my friends at once seemed to have jumped onto the dating bandwagon, even Ginoza who’s one of the most asexual but-not-really-asexual people I’ve ever met.

(20:37) Do I really bother you

_(20:37) Hm. And it must be that spring feve_

(20:37) _No._

_(20:38) You don’t._

_(20:38) I like talking to you, you know that._

(20:39) Ah.

(20:39) Okay then.

(20:39) Good. I don’t want to annoy you 

_(20:42) You’re not. Really. I’ve never been able to ‘talk’ to somebody as easily as I can with you. It’s… nice. I genuinely look forward to every one of our chats._

_(20:45) As menial and paltry as they may be_

(20:49) I’m glad. I feel the same.

_(20:53) Good._

(20:55) Good

(21:07) Do you want to stream a movie

_(20:10) Why not._

_(20:10) Don’t pick something ridiculous_

(20:11) Action thriller zombie apocalypse it is then

 

_*_

 

**07/20/2008**

When he was 14, Kogami told Shogo that he was gay.

It had honestly been a long time coming. For as far back as he could remember he’d entertained the thought that he maybe wasn’t completely heterosexual, but as time went on and he grew older, he began to realize that bisexual was another word that wouldn’t exactly describe him

Girls were cute.

He liked being around girls, they were nice and clean and always seemed to know the latest talk about other kids in the class. He didn’t like seeing them upset or crying, but he also didn’t _feel_ anything for them either.

It became clearer as he began to grow older especially. He liked the deeper voices of the boys in his class. He liked their muscles and the sharp planes of their bodies. He liked their carefree attitudes and casual skinship.

There was no ground breaking epiphanies or sudden life changing realizations. He didn’t wake up one day and suddenly have a name for why he felt what he did. It was a slow, gradual thing that began as an inkling at the base of his skull before gently making itself more known.

He didn’t feel any more or any less like Shinya Kogami, but somehow he felt… better. Happier. More self aware.

He wasn’t sure why he decided to tell Shogo first.

Maybe it was because he somehow still didn’t really feel like Shogo was an actual person. That the other boy wasn’t much more than the responses he’d receive on his phone.

No, that didn’t feel right.

Shogo felt so much more important to him than something so minimal. Their text message correspondence had been ongoing for two years now, that definitely meant something in Kogami’s book. They talked daily, chatting about everything from mundane daily activities to discussions about their home life and families.

They were definitely friends at this point, and strangely enough, Kogami felt closer to Shogo than he did to Ginoza, the boy he’d literally known for his entire life.

It wasn’t that he didn’t tell Ginoza things, it was more like Ginoza didn’t really seem to understand what Kogami told him. He was a good listener and never said anything purposefully insensitive. They’d been practically inseparable ever since early on in primary school when Kogami had eloquently knocked the shit out of some boys who were giving Ginoza trouble.

It was… the way that Ginoza just looked at him blankly when Kogami would mention something he had seen on the news or when he’d ask a strange hypothetical question. It was the way Ginoza’s face would pinch when he’d make a less-than-favorable comment about the current state of law and order or the way he fidgeted when Kogami would excitedly recommend the book he’d just finished reading to the other boy.

There were just so many small, minuscule things that he could so easily push aside when spending time with Ginoza or talking with him. But they all seemed to come to light whenever Kogami talked with Shogo. How easy Shogo seemed to know what he was thinking or understand his point of view. It was just so _easy_ to talk to him, and Kogami couldn’t really think of a better word to describe it than that.

Easy.

So when he’d finally come to his slow realization about himself at half past five in the morning, the first thing he’d done was roll to his side, pick up his phone, and text Shogo the news.

(3:33) Shogo I’m gay.

_(3:42) Well would you look at that, it’s also four forty in the morning on a Thursday in my time. This is pretty late… early even for us._

(3:43) Sorry

(3:44) I’m aware, sorry

(3:44) This just all felt kind of important.

_(3:47) Yes well, I’m glad you’ve discovered this important aspect of self identity but I’m literally going to be so exhausted tomorrow and I have a Chemistry test first hour_

(3:47) Good luck with that then

_(3:49) Thanks. I’m going to need it._

(3:57) So

(3:59) You really don’t care?

_(4:00) What_

_(4:02) That you’re gay? Honestly Shinya, how shallow do you think I am?_

(4:02) No!

(4:02) It’s not that. I’m just

(4:08) You’re the first person I’ve told

_(4:08) Well I’m very flattered._

(4:11) Shogo

(4:13) Really, you don’t care?

(4:14) You’re not creeped out or anything?

_(4:13) No_

_(4:16) You mean a quite a bit more to me than you think you do obviously._

_(4:16) So stop worrying about it._

_(4:17) Go to sleep Shinya_

_(4:18) This isn’t something you need to stress about right away._

_(4:18) Figure out a plan. Don’t work yourself up over something that isn’t anything but a secret for the moment._

(4:20) Thank you.

(4:20) Really

(4:21) That means a lot to me

(4:25) I just.. Really wanted to tell you. I’ve been sort of dealing with this for a while now. It hasn’t been difficult or anything really, but it’s just sort of weird to keep something like this all to myself

_(4:27) I understand. Does this mean that I’m the first person you’ve told though? Doesn’t that seem a little backwards? Isn’t is usually family > friends > assorted internet friends? _

_(4:27) This seemed to make more sense_

(4:28) You’re just

(4:33) _Important to me_

_(4:34) Ah._

_(4:39) I’m glad that this is all mutual then._

(4:45) Heh. Yeah.

(4:53) And also I’m feeling very vulnerable right now and this is quickly becoming a heavy heart to heart. Any life-changing secrets you want to tell me?

(4:55) Anything at all. Anything

_(4:56) Alright, alright, calm down_

_(4:56) Hmm, how about…_

_(4:58) I don’t date_

(4:58) ?

(4:59) What’s that mean exactly?

_(5:00) Exactly what it sounds like._

_(5:00) I don’t date._

(5:02) Like because of your parents or

_(5:02) No, it’s not like that. How do I explain it…_

_(5:05) I don’t really like anyone. Nobody’s really that interesting to me, and definitely not enough for me to want to date them._

_(5:07) It’s not that people aren’t attractive in their own rights, I just can’t see myself… with them. If that makes any sense._

(5:07) It does, I think I sort of get it.

(5:08) So you’re asexual then?

_(5:09) Maybe._

_(5:09) I don’t know._

_(5:10) That seems to make sense. I haven’t ever really bothered to take an in depth look though._

(5:11) Ah. Makes sense. As long as you’re okay with it then.

(5:12) As long as you’re happy.

_(5:14) I think that I am. I like the way things are now, I like being by myself. People are just so exhausting._

(5:16) Ha, I get that. But then again, I also really like dudes, so…

_(5:16) You’re ridiculous. Go to sleep Shinya._

_(5:18) But remember that you can talk to me, okay? I’m always here._

(5:19) Thank you. Seriously, thank you.

 

*

 

**12/01/2016**

Ginoza had that weird, pinched expression on his face again. The horribly contorted look he got when he was _definitely_ over thinking something. He would usually come to a conclusion in a few days max, so Kogami was just trying to stay out of his way for the most part. Ginoza wasn’t exactly a lot of fun when he was stressed out over something.

Usually it was about something that wasn’t too important, Ginoza had a tendency to get extremely strung out over the smallest things, not letting up about them until sometimes _days_ after the fact.

It was actually a little endearing at times, the reactions you got if you tried to throw away a slip of homework from five years ago that he was still hanging onto, or if you’d mess with the carefully arranged spectrum of pens and pencils that he layed on his desk before every class like clockwise.

But when it really seemed like Ginoza was specifically aiming that look towards _him_ … that’s when Kogami started stressing a little in turn.

“What’s your deal?” Kogami asks him flatly as he takes his seat next to the other man. “You keep giving me that weird crazy eyed look.”

Ginoza, to his chagrin, looks at least mildly guilty. “I’ve just been wondering something lately.”

“About…?”

“Well.” He stops. “It’s about Shogo actually.”

Kogami frowns, eyebrows scrunching. This was rare. It wasn’t often that the world of ‘real life people’ met with Shogo. He’d only ever mentioned his pen pal a handful of times, even though it was kind of obvious who he was constantly talking to when all of his friends were in the same room. “What about him?”

“I’ve been- and the others, have sort of been wondering if you two are.. you know. I don’t know, wondering if you two were finally seeing each other.”

“Like?”

“Dating.”

“Each other?”

Ginoza huffs loudly, exasperation and embarrassment clear on his expression. “Yes each other!”

“I’ve literally never even seen him before.” Kogami shoots back, agitation quickly beginning to crawl over his skin. This was immediately beginning to bother him more than it really should. It felt like some sort of invisible boundary was being stepped over.

Ginoza looks more than a little surprised at that response, the scowl dropping from his face. “Really? I didn’t know that. You two have been talking to each other for a really, really long time.”

Kogami hesitates, now beginning to feel a little ridiculous. It’d never been a topic before, it’d hardly ever been more than a passing thought that he hadn’t ever seen his pen pals face. It sounded strange _now_ to just lay it all out like that. “We’ve never really.. like. Needed to see each other.” He finishes lamely.

Ginoza stares at him. “Okay.”

“And also we’re not dating.”

Ginoza’s stare turns more skeptical than it should be.

“We’re not.” Kogami reaffirms. “I would’ve told you, I promise.”

Ginoza seems to relent after that. “Well. Good.” He mutters. “I’m glad that that’s all settled then.”

He pauses for a moment. But you’re really not…?”

“No.”

“Ah. I’d just assumed… Long distance is becoming pretty common nowadays…”

“No.” Kogami repeats. “That just seems.. no. We’re friends Ginoza, me and him. It couldn’t even happen anyway, he’s not… We couldn’t.”

“Oh. Ohh. Okay.” Ginoza responds lamely, cheeks beginning to tinge red. “Sorry for assuming.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kogami says dismissively. His eyes narrow a bit and a smirk slowly creeps onto his face. “You however… any secrets you ready to share…?”

“No.” Ginoza says loudly, red now completely flushing his face. “Not yet.”

Kogami laughs, turning back towards the front of the room. Saiga had just entered the room, sending the room into a hush. “Alright.” Kogami relents quietly, a smile still playing on his lips. “Not yet.” He mimics.

Ginoza casts him one last look. “Not yet.” He echoes.

 

*

 

“I’m just _so_ sick of it all!” Sasayama complains loudly, knocking back another drink and waving the bartender over. “The chief is just such a-”

“Bitch.” Kogami supplies, having heard this exact same rant with only varying renditions every Friday night for the past however many years that Sasayama’s been stuck working at the Chicago PD. The entire thing had run its course by this point, but it never took Sasayama long to get drunk enough to forget whatever it was he was griping about.

“ _Raving_ bitch.” Sasayama corrects over enthusiastically. He sighs dramatically and runs a hands through his short brown hair. “I just- _God_ \- I’m so so sick of being stuck on vice.”

Kogami nods absently, taking a swig from his beer.

“I mean,” Sasayama continues, “I’ve been busting ass in my department ever since I started, but Kasei’s always gotta fuck everything up for me. I think she’s just scared that I’m gonna make the rest of her department look like they’ve been going ass first their whole careers.”

“I’m sure that’s what it is.”

“Just you wait, I’m gonna get out of this seedy shit and into some real stuff. I’m going straight to homicide.”

“I believe you.”

“It’s all just a rigged system, it is. If you don’t kiss ass and suck the dick of every big wig in the whole damn city you don’t ever get anywhere. It’s a fucking conspiracy, it all is.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Shogo.” Kogami comments dryly.

Sasayama stops abruptly and swivels to look at Kogami. There’s a distinctly sly look on his face. “Oho yeah.. How’s that all going then?”

Kogami squints at him.

Sasayama just kind of smirks and nudges his shoulder. The action is a little too much at this point in the night for the brunette,and so he moreso ends up just kind of slumping against Kogami’s side instead of actually nudging him. “Your dating thing.” he clarifies.

“My dating thing.” Kogami slowly repeats.

“Yeah. With Shogo.”

“Well that’s funny.” Kogami says, swishing the beer bottle around. “Because there definitely _isn’t_ a dating thing.”

Sasayama turns to look up at him, eyes wide. “Oh man, I’m so sorry. I didn’t-”

“No, stop.” Kogami interrupts quickly. This was seriously too much. Twice in one day was two times way too many. “We were never dating. Ever. That’s not a thing.”

Sasayama stares at him.

“I’m not lying to you, stop that.”

Sasayama stares harder.

Kogami audibly groans.

“Dude, it’s okay.” Sasayama says earnestly slowly pulling himself back up into his own seat. “You can tell me, I promise I won’t go all ‘Mom’ on you like Gino does.”

“Why exactly has my relationship status become the choice topic lately?” Kogami asks exasperatedly. He slumps down onto his hand and raises an eyebrow at Sasayama. “None of you have ever asked about me and Shogo before.”

Sasayama shrugs, taking another shot. “Don’t ask me.”

“Sasayama.”

“Seriously. I don’t have time to get involved with you kids’ social lives. I’m a working man.”

“Sasayama.”

The brunette falters a bit. “Ginoza and me may have been talking about it a few weeks ago.”

“Go on.”

“And you guys are graduating this year…”

“We are.”

“And going off to police academy… Oh! That reminds me, there are some do’s and don’ts there, trust me. One thing you should kno-”

“Sasayama. What is it, seriously? I’ve already had this conversation once today, oddly enough, and I kind of want to know why it was so important that I have it again.”

Sasayama shrugs again, kind of helplessly. “I don’t know. It’s just. You’re all single right now and you’ve known this other guy for like a long time and… I don’t know.”

Kogami frowns a bit. “That’s not really a whole lot to go off of.”

“Well it’s just a theory Ko.” Sasayama says. He hesitates. “But. You talk about him a lot. You smile when he texts you. We’ve ju… I’ve just wondered for a while if you’d ever done anything about it.”

Kogami blinks. “No. We’re friends, trust me. He’s important to me, and he’s been my friend for a really long time now but no. We’re not.”

Sasayama stares at him a long while before finally seeming to give up. He clicks his tongue and is reaching for another shot before Kogami surges forward at snatches it up first. Sasayama fixes him with a betrayed look before leaning back in his seat. “God and you know what the Chief made me do today? She had me out threading through the streets like I was some…”

A smile twitches at Kogami’s lips as he settles to listen. He was a little unsure as to why or how the earlier conversation was such a prevalent topic, but that didn’t change the fact that it didn’t really affect him. He hadn’t lied or hidden any truths or given any candid responses, but something felt like it was missing. Something hovering just out of reach.

But as Sasayama’s gestures got increasingly offensive and his tone got increasingly louder, Kogami couldn’t help but grin and forget whatever it was he was worrying about. After all, some things never changed.

 

*

 

**12/16/2016**

“She’s going to kill me Ko. I’ll be dead by the end of next week. I can’t breathe when she looks at me and I’m going to asphyxiate.”

Ginoza cut in, “I’m not surprised that I need to be telling you this, but you really need to focus on your work right now. The deadline is two hours away.”

“Oh hush. If you weren’t such an overachiever that you did your stupid midterm paper a week ago you’d be in my exact same position so either way you’re just going to have to put up with Kogami and I doing boy talk while I work at my own pace.”

Kogami said, “How do you multitask like that? You’ve been gushing for three minutes now and you haven’t slowed down writing that paper at all. You haven’t even made any typos.”

“There’s a reason I’m actually going to school here, you know. I was actually accepted  and everything.”

“Kozuki, you’re standing on my toes,” Ginoza snapped.

“Am I?” Kozuki said, watching over Sugo’s shoulder, who was leaning against the back of Kogami’s chair. He didn’t move.

“When did you all get here?” Kagari asked, “We were having a private conversation.”

“Too bad,” Kozuki said, “and Hasuike said I should come watch you in action. I’ve never actually seen you work before.”

“He’s a machine,” Kogami agreed.

Kagari gave them all an unimpressed look before ducking back down and typing furiously.

“So things are going pretty good with Akane then?” Ginoza asked. “She’s a nice girl.”

“Aw, you actually got to meet her?” Kozuki said indignantly. He glared at a completely world-deaf Kagari. “I’ve been begging to at least see a picture of the girl for weeks now.”

“Well not weeks.” Kogami said helpfully.

“Yeah, is she hot?” Hasuike questioned, ignoring Kogami. Most of the men at the table seemed to suddenly pay more attention.

Kagari actually did stop typing at that and swiveled at top speed. He had a strange, puckered look on his face as he seemed to be battling the urge to waggle his eyebrows and also be indignant on his girlfriends behalf. Eventually the Kagari-ness in him seemed to win over. “Smokin’.”

“Ooo.” Sugo said.

“Stop distracting him!” Ginoza suddenly interjects, beginning to look increasingly stressed on Kagari’s behalf.

“Ok, jeez, yikes. I was just wondering, most of us were just pretty shocked to find out he was dating anybody at all.” (“Hey!” Kagari snaps, and Ginoza shoots Kozuki a dark look.) “And please get back to the paper, the deadline is in two hours.”

“I know. Don’t worry, I live to procrastinate.”

“Is this the make-it or break-it scene that all the college dramas promised me?” asked the familiar deadpan voice of Yayoi.

Kogami gave her not-so-subtle nod while Sugo grinned and said, “Yeah, come watch Kagari pull the world’s fastest midterm paper out of his ass while gushing about his date on Friday at the same time. It’s a circus trick.”

Kogami jumped back in, “So you were about to tell me about something she said at the restaurant.”

“It’s, ah, it’s, never mind. I mean, I forgot.” Kagari was getting increasingly red in the face and his typing was beginning to become more so backspacing than actual typing progress.

“You forgot what she said.”

“No I forgot what I was telling you.”

“How do you know that you didn’t forget what she said when you don’t know what it is you did or didn’t forget.”

“We’ll talk about it later, Kogami!”

“...Did you. You know.”

“Ahh! Yes! Happy?!”

“Liar!” Sugo interjected, “You would’ve told me!” 

“Fine. But I did get a boob grab.”

“Holy shit and she let you? It’s only the second date!” Kozuki exclaimed, shock written all over his features.

Yayoi swatted at him until he shut up. The group had already attracted a few raised glances but was now being full out stared at as the volume had suddenly jumped through the roof. The manager had what looked like a visible vein popping from his forehead.

“All of you are going to need to leave if you don’t quiet down!” She hissed, looking ready to throw down with each and every one of them.

Kagari was looking increasingly stressed with the situation. “I need to finish this!”

“Why didn’t you just go to your dorm?” Kogami asked exasperatedly. Honestly, the freshman these days.

“I thought I could concentrate better here!” Kagari whined. “My roommates are literally the worst.”

“I take offense to that.” Sugo said. Hasuike nods his agreement.

“Good.” Kagari snapped. “This is what you’ve driven me to!”

“Shush!” Ginoza practically screeched. (“Shh!” Yayoi hissed.) “The deadline isn’t getting any further.”

Kagari made a strangled noise and went back to typing. The group lapsed into a relative silence for a few moments until-

“I still want to know what she looks like.” Kozuki suddenly said. “I mean, come on man. It’s been at least a week. That’s like. Married in freshman time.”

“And where exactly would that put two people who’ve never seen each other in the 15 years they’ve known each other?” Ginoza asked him.

“Who’s that? That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard” Hasuike said, eyes wide.

“That’d be me.” Kogami said dryly. He gives Ginoza a highly unimpressed look. “And it just sounds stupid when you say it like that.”

“Well what would you call it?” Ginoza shot back.

“Not that.” Kogami supplied intelligently.

“It is kind of weird.” Kagari piped up, eyes not leaving the computer screen.

“Et tu, Kagari.” Kogami mutters.

“I think it’s fine.” Yayoi said, leaning against the table. (“Thank yo-”) “Kogami’s just scared that Shogo will think he’s ugly.”

“That’s not it at all!” Kogami defended. This was all taking a 360 turn way, way too fast. “Weren’t we talking about Kagari?”

“No, that’s fun. This is just tragic.” Kozuki said, smirking. He was looking way too bright eyed and it was making Kogami uncomfortable. He hated it when juniors got the upper hand on him. They always took it and ran so fucking fast, thrilled to close that one year gap between them.

“It’s really not though.”

“But for real, why haven’t you at least sent a selca to him or something?” Sugo asked. He was the only one at the table without a distinctly smug look on his face so Kogami decided to grace him with an answer.

“We’ve just literally never talked about it before.” He said honestly, and that was the truth. Kogami had wondered from time to time when he was younger, but over time he came up with his own persona for the other man. Shogo had never mentioned it either, so their conversations never strayed over into that territory. “We never needed to.”

“Wow.” Hasuike said. “I don’t know whether to be impressed or just... sad.”

“Sad?” Ginoza questioned.

“‘Cause Kogami’s got it real bad for a guy he’s literally never even seen.”

“I do not!” Kogami protested loudly, earning a sharp look from Yayoi.

“You so do.” Kagari told him.

Kogami made a strange gurgling noise in response. He had now lost all control of the situation. Good job Kogami.

“He does.” Ginoza informed the group. “He always gets this smile on his face when Shogo texts him.”

“Aww.” Sugo crooned.

“I do not!” Kogami said again, just as loudly.

“You guys need to leave.” Yayoi repeated sternly, casting a very nervous un-Yayoi look towards the counter where the manager and a few other workers are shaking their heads over in their groups direction.

“I’M DONE!” Kagari suddenly screeched, hands flying up into the hair. “I AM A GOD!”

Kazuki and Hasuike join him, whooping loudly.

“Congratulations.” Yayoi interrupts flatly. “Now really, leave, before I beat you with your stupid fucking laptop and get fired.”

 

*

 

_(21:23) What if we don't have free will, but are only deterministic systems complex enough to think we're free?_

(21:33) Is it weird that we’ve never seen each other

(21:33) Also, read Incognito by David Eagleman for a good answer to that

(21:38) Shogo

_(21:39) No, I don’t think it’s weird_

(21:40) Okay

_(21:41) Why, do you? You’ve never mentioned this before_

(21:41) Neither have you

_(21:42) I’m not the one who brought it up_

(21:44) I’m sorry, I’m just a little thrown off right now

_(21:47) Are you alright?_

(21:48) Yeah, I’m fine. A lot of people have just been talking to me about you lately

(21:48) Sorry that makes it sound kind of weird

_(21:49) Stop apologizing._

_(21:50) Although yes, that did sound kind of odd. I can’t possibly imagine what they’d have to say to you about me_

(21:50) They’re not bad things.

(21:52) One of them though was just the fact that I’ve never seen you

_(21:53) Is that bad?_

(21:55) No

(21:55) Not at all

(21:55) Argh, this is all coming out wrong

_(21:57) Take your time Shinya, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. Just type out the whole thing_

(22:04) It’s just that, we’ve known each other for a long time now. 15 years is the majority of my life at this point. I’ve never thought it was weird that I didn’t know what you looked like, I’ve never really thought about it much at all to be honest. Is that weird though? That I don’t really care that I don’t you what you actually look like?

_(22:04) I don’t think so._

_(22:05) Really?_

_(22:06) Well as I see it, think of it like this;_

_(22:13) There’s a book you really like, with a character you especially like. You imagine the character in a specific way and you read the whole series with this character looking just the way you’ve envisioned. Then one day they make a movie out of the book and suddenly your image of the character is completely and totally changed._

_(22:13) Is that how you feel about this?_

(22:16) …yeah. I think it is. That’s… yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel

(22:17) _Me too._

(22:20) Then you’re not curious at all?

_(22:20) I’d be lying if I said that Shinya._

_(22:23) What I’m really trying to say is that I don’t mind the way things are. I’m perfectly happy with you just being the person at the end of the line._

(22:25) But you are curious

_(22:25) I suppose I am._

_(22:26) Particularly moreso after you’ve chosen to make a big ordeal out of this._

(22:29) Right. Sorry. Like I said, I’d never really thought about it much either until my friends started making comments

(22:29) _Mm_

(22:29) Was that a mad ‘mm’?

(22:29) Are you mad at me

_(22:30) No Shinya_

(22:34) That didn’t really make me feel any better

 _(22:34) I’m not mad._ _  
_ _(22:35) Stop worrying._

(22:35) Then…?

_(22:37) I’m just thinking_

(22:37) About…?

 _(22:42) Do you_ want _to see me?_

(22:42) I

(22:45) Yeah.

(22:45) I think I do.

_(22:46) You ‘think’_

(22:46) You know what I mean

(22:46) Asshole

(22:47) I’m just surprised with the way this conversation has gone

_(22:47) Well by all means, please tell me what you had expected_

(22:48) Well

(22:49) Not this

_(22:49) Eloquence at its finest, ladies and gentlemen_

(22:50) So wait are you going to

(22:50) like

(22:51) send a picture

_(22:51) I don’t think I said that_

(22:52) Oh

(22:52) W

(22:55)  Then wh

_(22:55) I’m not the most photogenic person_

(22:55) ???  
  
(22:57) Okay?

_(22:59) To be completely blunt Shinya, I want to meet you one day_

(23:00) Oh

_(23:01) Is that a good ‘oh’? Or a bad ‘oh’?_

(23:03) It’s a surprised oh

(23:03) I’m surprised

_(23:04) And…?_

(23:04) I want to meet you too

 _(23:06) Ah_  
_  
_ _(23:07) It’s good to hear that we’re in mutual agreement then_

(23:07) Are we ever not

_(23:08) It doesn’t seem that way_

(23:15) So how’s this all going to go

 _(23:15) I don’t know._  
  
_(23:16) Like I said, it’s a ‘one day’ thing. There’s a lot of unknowns here._  
  
_(23:17) So far I know that there’s an hour time difference between us, and that we’re both graduating this year, although I’m finishing up at the semester break._  
  
_(23:17) You can’t really fudge a 15 year timeline._  
  
(23:17) So let’s wait at least until then, okay? Until after graduation.

(23:18) Sounds like a plan to me.

(23:19) I’m just  
  
(23:19 Wow.

_(23:19) ?_

(23:21) I’ve just never really thought about even seeing you before and now I’m excited to meet you And that's _at least_ 5 months away.

 _(23:23) Always expect the unexpected_  
  
(23:23) Don’t quote at me

_(23:24) Try and stop me_

(23:24) _Also, I’ve already read_ Incognito _._  
_  
_ _(23:25) Read Daniel Dennett’s_ Freedom Evolves _if you want a good argument on consciousness through raw biology_

(23:26) Already read it. Counterpoint, don’t ask me your philosophy homework questions

_(23:27) Counter counterpoint, it wasn’t. More of a personal musing._

(23:27) That makes it even more pointless

_(23:28) Ouch. When did you get so mean_

(23:29) This coming from the guy who’s literally the single most bitter person I’ve ever met

_(23:29) I take that as a compliment_

(23:30) You would

  


*

  


**12/24/2016**

“Bullshit!” Kagari screeched, falling back onto the couch and shaking his laptop in the air. “I can’t believe this!”

“I can.” Ginoza remarked unhelpfully. He was perched on the other end of the couch, a nearly untouched beer in his hand.

It was Christmas eve. They’d all somehow decided that it was a good idea to spend the night lounging around Kogami and Ginoza’s apartment, so here they were. A sad, measly looking pine tree stood upright in the corner with a cheap string of dollar store lights slung around it with more bulbs popped and dark than ones that actually lit up. There were a few too many people crowded in the small flat already, and Ginoza’s mystery friend still hadn’t shown up, but everybody was in relatively light spirits.

“You literally kicked that thing out in like three hours.” Kogami added, unimpressed with Kagari’s complaining.

“What’d you end up getting on it?” Yayoi asked. Pretty blonde girl, (whose name was Shion, Kogami had learned), from the cafe was sitting close at her side in the same armchair with a casual arm slung around Yayoi’s shoulders.

“C minus.” Kagari complained, snapping the macbook shut. “Total bullshit, it really is. That was a quality paper.”

“It really wasn’t.” Akane said, giving him an apologetic smile.

“It was a decent paper.” Kagari reaffirmed.

“If even that.” Ginoza deadpanned.

“Alright, alright- it was _okay_ , how about that one? Does that ruffle any feathers?”

“When’s Risa coming by?” Yayoi asked Ginoza, disregarding Kagari. The redhead sputtered at her, flapping his hands at her rather uselessly. Akane patted him on the shoulder.

Ginoza coughs and looks down at the drink in his hands. “I’m not sure exactly. She can’t stay for long though, she has to catch an early train back tomorrow morning to get back home for Christmas.”

“So this _the_ mystery woman right?” Kogami asked. “The one you’ve been keeping from me for months now?”

Ginoza coughs again.

Kagari cheers and gives him two thumbs up and a wide grin. “Well how about that! Bachelor number one is finally off the market!” He stops and casts Kogami a sly look. “Now where’s your beau? Weren’t you just seeing…” He snaps his fingers. “Shinji? Shigi?”

“Shin _jo_ and no.” Kogami says, raising an eyebrow. “A few hookups doesn’t exactly constitute a relationship.”

“Alright, then call up Shogo on Skype or something...”

“God dam-”

“Or don’t do that.” Kagari quickly finished. “Besides, it’s just a little funny to see you, what, seventh wheeling?”

“Yeah so fun.” Kogami says dryly. His saving grace would be here before the night was out. Sasayama, the ever eternal bachelor, would be showing up soon enough anyway, as soon as he finished up his shift down at the station. Kogami only really had to hold up until then.

Kagari snickered at him before giving Ginoza a shady look and Kogami visibly relaxed when the attention was shifted off of him. He silently thanked Ginoza for having a more interesting personal life than him and then immediately frowned. That… shouldn’t ever really be a thing. He was losing his touch it seemed.

Kogami heaved a sigh and reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. He tried his best to be semi-subtle about it, not wanting to be rude, but at the same time wanting to convey the message that he didn’t really want to talk right now. What he really, really wanted to do was go into his room and lie down to sleep.

He felt kind of guilty for wanting to escape from his friends- it wasn’t often that the whole gang was at the same place at once, but also couldn’t help but feel slightly bitter about the situation as well. He liked short parties, liked being able to escape when he started getting tired. The chatter began to exhaust him as time wore on through no fault of his friends or even the conversation, it was simply a matter of personal ability.

He sighs again and unlocks the device.

(20:20) I’ve somehow missed your near constant stream of nonsensical texts today

_(20:23) Ah it’s nice to see I’m appreciated_

(20:23) Anytime  
  
(20:27) So what’s up then  
  
(20:31) You’re never this quiet

_(20:34) It’s a little silly. I’ve just been offered a rather rare opportunity, but I’m not sure if I want it yet._

(20:34) Well what is it exactly?

_(20:38) A job offer, to be blunt about it._

(20:41) So what’s the catch on it?

 _(20:43) A couple of different things to say the least._  
_  
_ _(20:45) A telephone interview is supposed to take place at some point in the next few days, so I’ll let you know more when I know exactly what I’m upset about._

(20:46) I’ll be looking forward to it then

(20:48) And stop worrying so much, I can practically see you thinking too much about this.

(20:49) I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.

_(20:50) Thank you_

_(20:50) That means more to me than you know._

(20:51) Anytime, you know where to find me.

(20:53) And sorry, but I’ve got a bunch of idiots in my apartment and I’m already the most sober person here sooo

_(20:53) You’re ridiculous. Try not to drink yourself into oblivion._

(20:54) Not promising anything.

 

*  


_(22:59) Merry Christmas, Shinya_

_(23:55) Merry Christmas. And goodnight Shogo, I’ll message you tomorrow._

 

**Author's Note:**

> idk when i'll finish this, sorry. but it's been sitting in my computer forever and there's just not enough pp content out there to keep people inspired. keep the fandom alive!
> 
> edit: 05/10  
> i will definitely be finishing this, however there are a lot of things im unhappy with so i’ll be editing as i go. thank you for the support!


End file.
